Common ground.

Over the past few years, I have found that finding common ground with people is crucial. Ultimately, it’s not important whether you are right or not; taking a step back in order to understand where the other person is coming from is far more beneficial. An article I read recently stated the following:

Building common ground requires communicating resourcefully and respectfully. Resourceful communicators know their own core beliefs and values but are also willing to identify with people who are different, understand their ways of communicating, and establish common goals and values. Respectful communicators practice civility and tolerance by observing ground rules such as preserving confidentiality, avoiding interruptions, using considerate language, and checking the accuracy of their assumptions.

This can be difficult to do in the middle of a heated discussion, especially for those of us that suffer from a little symptom referred to as “stubbornness.” That’s why I recommend establishing common ground before an argument occurs. Of course, this is not always possible. However, establishing some ground rules at the beginning of relationships, with friends, significant others, professionals, etc., provides an openness and understanding that all parties will benefit from. In addition, when conflict does arise, this understanding will allow the discussion (hopefully) to be more productive.

Source: http://highered.mheducation.com/sites/0072959827/student_view0/chapter8/index.html

The lost art of letter writing

Writing a letter to someone is a great gesture that all parties involved benefit from. I write letters to people I am close to whether they live near or far. Do you write letters? If not, do you think your relationships could benefit from doing so?

Sophie is...

I had several very late nights last week. Not just because I was on a mission to get myself organised before the craziness of Christmas sets in, but because of what I found in the process.

I have always been a bit (a lot) of a hoarder. This is generally something I chastise myself for – resulting as it does in me being surrounded by piles and piles of stuff that I have no idea what to do with. But this week, as I sat on the floor surrounded by these pieces of paper dating back twenty five years and more, I was very glad that I find it so hard to throw anything away.

There were letters from friends I have not seen for many years, and from those who I still count amongst my very best. From boys I was once in love with, or who were once in love…

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Prioritizing Communication

This is a great read on prioritizing your inbox to relieve some of the anxieties that we encounter everyday. However, in our hectic, stress filled lives, how do we prioritize communication in our private relations? Are we able to implement a system similar to the one discussed here?

Cracking the Communication Code Between Men And Women

Do we need human gender translators?

Otrazhenie

From The Truth About Communication Between Men And Women

While much has been said about women being from Venus and men being from Mars, the reality is that we all live on the same planet Earth and need to interact with each other in different ways on a daily basis.

How can we crack the communication code between men and women? Luckily technology can help us even with that difficult task. Check out the Manslator: the Official Woman Language Translator:

Or you can use a professional Human Gender Translator:

From Gender Translator

Its fun to look at communication differences between men and women but we also have to be careful in avoiding stereotypes. As Simma Lieberman points out, “we are all on a continuum and there are women that have some traits that might be attributed to the male style or there are times when it is necessary to use the male…

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Universal expressions.

There is much debate over how men and women communicate. However, there seems to be less focus on how people from different cultures communicate. Luckily for us, there are six proven expressions that are easily recognized no matter where we are in the world.

I found this chart on the website listed below. The chart outlines exactly what our face does the moment we feel the corresponding emotion. Interestingly, four out of the six expressions are negative. What do you think this means about communication? Why do you think that negative expressions are more easily recognized than positive ones?

EXPRESSION	MOTION CUES	PSEUDO-MUSCLES USED
Happiness	raising and lowering of mouth corners	6 linear muscles
Sadness	lowering of mouth corners raise inner portion of brows	6 linear muscles
Surprise	brows arch eyes open wide to expose more white jaw drops slightly	3 linear muscles
Fear	brows raised eyes open mouth opens slightly	5 linear muscles 1 sphincter for the mouth
Disgust	upper lip is raised nose bridge is wrinkled cheeks raised	6 linear muscles
Anger	brows lowered lips pressed firmly eyes bulging	4 linear muscles 1 sphincter for the mouth

Sources:

http://www.nbb.cornell.edu/neurobio/land/oldstudentprojects/cs490-95to96/hjkim/emotions.html

Accountability Part 1 – Responsibility

Great article on the importance of responsibility. In both public and private relations it is crucial to know who and what you are responsible for. After reading this article, I encourage you to ask yourself whether you have been taking ownership or if you have been blaming.

thezombieshuffle

When you think of someone who is “responsible”, what is the first thing that comes to mind? Often someone who is responsible is seen as someone who is stable, and has their stuff together. They have a decent job (that they have been able to hold), they have a plan, and they are dependable.

Sometimes being responsible is seen as the opposite of being a dreamer. Dreamers live for the moment, while responsible people live a few steps ahead, and are less likely to throw caution to the wind.
But is responsibility really just about stability, structure and planning? Can’t a dreamer also be responsible?

Responsibility Process

I recently came across an approach to looking at responsibility that makes a lot of sense to me. In it, responsibility is defined as a mental process, whereby you own your ability and power to create, choose, and attract.

The idea behind…

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Lest we forget.

Classic dating games and modern technology

Has anyone experienced any of these “games?” What was your experience? How do you think technology can be used to advance communication for the better?

realities of the modern single

You’ve likely heard of the classic dating games. The old “playing hard to get”, “men are hunters”, “don’t be too available” and wait until at least the third date to have sex. What you may not have heard is that our modern day advances of technology and online dating coupled with the classic dating rules are game changing and next-level-fucked-up.

Some of you might argue; “but playing games keeps relationships spicy!” You know what keeps relationships spicy? Sriracha sauce on top of a fireball whiskey shot when they aren’t expecting it, sassing and bantering with each other playfully and not being a starfish in the bedroom. That’s what keeps things interesting; not emotionally manipulating another human being to get them where you want. Now, I personally am not into dating games. I prefer the real approach and that’s because I have experienced way too many of these old school games…

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Don’t Get Lost in Being Right

Check out this great framework on how to have better conversations!

rajen sanghvi

5 Steps to Reducing Rage and Having Better Conversations

I know I’m right. Why can’t you just accept that? As you’re talking, I’m thinking about the rebuttals I have to all of your ludicrous statements. Before you finish your spiel, I jump in and unload my verbal diarrhea on you because you deserve it and need to hear it now. Then instead of accepting my argument, you have the audacity to interrupt me with your half baked thoughts to try and convince me I’m crazy. Are you kidding me? Who the hell do you think you are? Wait I know, you’re just stupid. There’s no point in having this conversation with you, you’ll never understand where I’m coming from and are simply intellectually incapable of having a rational human conversation. You’re blind and I’m done with this. I’m now going to proceed to walk away from you feeling frustrated, but…

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Let’s teach Empathy as we do Literacy

This is a great article on empathy. Although it focuses on IT people learning empathy, many of these suggestions could be applied to private communications!

Bits of Life of a CIO

In my current position, I spend a lot of time interviewing users and making sure I understand their business requirements. Our sessions are dedicated to improving their day-to-day jobs, therefore I need to be able to listen to them for hours, understand their own language and translate their needs into technology solutions.

Every once in a while, they vent about their IT support groups. Their main complain? It usually sounds something like:

• He just doesn’t get it.
• It’s pulling teeth to get the information I actually need.
• He only ever talks about tech stuff.

The specific wording doesn’t really matter. These complaints point to the same problem: the inability of some IT pros to connect on an interpersonal level and have a meaningful, relevant discussion from the business person’s perspective.

Why Is this? The universally accepted explanation for this behavior lies between:

• IT pros get caught up in the nuts-and-bolts…

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